Am I Allowed to Enjoy This?

     It’s 6:00am, the baby is screaming and hungry, the dog needs to go outside, there’s a mountain of dishes in the sink from last night’s dinner, and I have to pee.  It’s times like this where I start to wonder, why did I decide to do this?  And the answer?  Because I love it.  Maybe not this part, right this second, but most of it.

    I never saw myself as a housewife, or a stay-at-home Mom.  I always assumed I would go back to work after the baby was born and he would go to daycare.  But once he was here, I knew that wasn’t what would make me happy.  All of my career aspirations suddenly paled in comparison to my desire to be the one to take care of my son full time.  I started planning my days around feedings and diaper changes, dusting and vacuuming, and was shocked to find myself feeling fulfilled.  And then I began to ask myself a different question.  Am I allowed to enjoy this?

    As a liberal and a feminist, I had it in my head that housework and child rearing were oppressive tasks, and that all women longed to get out of the house and into the workplace.  I’d heard the tales of housewives of the past popping copious amounts of Valium and other substances in order to deal with the tedium of their lives.  But I wasn’t finding this tedious.  I looked forward to the next time the baby would wake up and need a bottle, I enjoyed keeping the house neat and tidy.  Was there something wrong with me?  Was I a bad feminist?  But then it hit me; women today have something different than our predecessors had.  A choice.  No one told me I had to stay home and take care of my son.  No one forced me to be the one to keep the house clean and make sure the dog gets walked.  I could have gone back to my job and we could have found child care for our son.  But my husband and I made the decision together for me to take on the role of Domestic Goddess.  So no, there is nothing wrong with me for enjoying cleaning and taking care of my child.  And there is nothing wrong with a woman who goes back to work after the baby is born.  We are all mothers who are just trying to do the best we can for our children, and for ourselves.  And however that looks, yes, we are allowed to enjoy that.